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| Original photograph by PJ Martin |
Late in 2013, my very active mom suddenly became very sick, to the point by January 2014, I moved in with her. As an only child I was soon overwhelmed by the emotions of the 'what ifs'!
I had prepaired many years for the possibility of mom dying. I had plans in place, support people to help me through a funeral, where to have the funeral and what even mom wanted to wear. But I wasn't prepaired for her being sick! My world came to a crashing halt! With no one to help, no siblings or other family members, I took it all on by myself. I don't remember asking for help even...I don't remember that being an option!
As mom got better, I got sick until I myself would have been hospitalized for pneumonia, if I wouldn't have pleaded with the doctors to just send me home, I had a sick mom to take care of!
Pneumonia wasn't the only problem. I consider myself a rather strong emotional female... I have went through a lot of serious problems in my life, and came fighting my way out of them all...but this was really getting the best of me! Still, worry was eating away at me, and I was becoming psychologically weak ... and being so physically sick myself - I was physically weak. I was a mess!
Finally, one evening I went out with a friend for dinner, after months of not getting out (except for doctors appointments and running to the local grocery to get prescriptions and food), and I realized how close I was to a real emotional crack!
I made a point then to leave the house a little more, as mom's conditions improved. Eventually, I got a part-time job less than a mile from my mother's house. It was around this time I discovered an art form called 'Zendoodling'. Zendooding is a type of doodling that is very relaxing. I studied the many patterns over and over, until I started branching out into my own designs.
Ok... so they weren't all that good...but I kept scribbling...
And my patterns got a lot better!
Soon, I started adding color... the more I drew and colored... the better I felt!
I had stumbled upon what therapists have known and practiced for years...
art therapy!
I strongly urge anyone to just doodle or take a class with me, and learn what help make the troubles of the years.... of the day... of the moment... seem to shrink and not be so overwhelming!
My mom took a turn for the worse in January 2016, suffering a stroke - advancing her dementia/Alzheimer. My mother will never be the mom she was just a short 3 years ago. Her best years are behind her. But, I am very glad I learned during a time when she was not as sick as she is today, a few lessons on how to keep myself strong... so that I can be there when she needs me at my best! I now know there are professionals to call and help for caregivers.
This time I know more of what to expect, so I pace myself. I have a new support group mostly made up of those who have been caregivers. And I have my art!
